editor: fred miller January 13, 2023 #45/Jan 2023
Ignoranus is such a wonderful new word and so appropriate with the lege back in session. It is likely we will see some exceedingly ignorant bills proposed, maybe some back room deals, and weird stuff in committees. In short, a regular session.
AZ Repugnicans are unrepentant. Having lost 3 of 4 major offices to dems, one would think they would lick their wounds and figure out where to go from there but not much indication of that. It really is sad.
I've written to AG Fontes asking for an investigation and hopefully charges brought against Judd and Crosby for, at a minimum, refusal to preform their constitutional duty of submitting voting results to the Sec of State. Hopefully more peeps will email their complaints to the AG also. The Cochise County attorney is in a tough spot; can he even bring charges against those-the supes-he is supposed to represent? And what about the money...The attorney Brian McCauley, who also represented Mark Finchem so poorly that the judge called him out, has not yet submitted a bill to the Country. The Crosby/Judd hire's contract is for $350 an hour and other admin charges, into the tens of thousands.
Cochise County Republican Party has a new chairman.The imperious Robert Montgomery, who declared himself an ‘alternate’ elector to the electoral college in the aftermath of the 2020 election, has been replaced by Brandon Martin. That has precipitated an internal struggle because Martin is 6 months behind in child support payments. Is this the 'face' of the party? The facebook page of cc repubs is woefully out of date like many posts from 2012.
Ahhh jeez! category...,It is sad that the annual chocolate tasting had to be cancelled because the health dept. had difficulties with preparing food in home kitchens. I think that will mean that any public events-churches, non-profits, schools-will not be able to have home prepared food if open to the public. Seems there could be something done by the powers that be to figure this one out even simple like consumers signing a waiver of indemnification. I mean there have been so many mass food poisoning over the years traced to those casseroles and jello molds...
Catch Mike Thornton's KBRP magazine Friday morning at kbrpradio.com or later in the archives, at kbrpradio.com/archives. Shar Poirer a reporter for the Herald Review is on today. It's a good show. I'll be on my regular segment on the 27th.
HWY 80 closure: SR 80 near Bisbee will be fully closed each night from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. starting Sunday, Jan. 8, through Friday Jan. 13, for lighting work. During the daytime, a 12-foot vehicle width restriction and a 7-foot vehicle height restriction will be in place. This is part of a larger project that when finished sometimes this summer, will have one lane in each direction with bike lanes through the tunnel. .......... CHOCOLATE TASTING CANCELLED The Friends of the Copper Queen Library have cancelled the 32nd annual chocolate tasting/fundraiser. President Cathy Clifton said in a news release.".. between the Health Department requirements and concerns about the spread of COVID, putting on a live event of this magnitude, based on home-baked food, is just not feasible." The Friends are a significant source of support for library programs. .......... CHESS CLUB RETURNS TO THE LIBRARY Saturday Jan 14 at 10 am, the club returns to the library. All ages. And there is a open chess tournament 'For the Love of Chess' Feb. 25th at the Cochise County Fairgrounds. All age categories. $10 fee. Check with the library for applications. For info about all things at the Bisbee Library call 520 432-4232 or their facebook page. ................ COMMUNITY CHORUS SPRING SEASON OPENS Get your song on! Rehearsals begin Tuesday January 17, 6-8:30 Presb. annex at 24 Howell (a few doors up from the copper queen hotel). All welcome. The Spring concerts is going to be a goodie....Music from the Movies. ............. SHORT TERM RENTAL ORG STARTED
There is a fledgling organization for short term rental owners and managers. Not much public yet, but posts by Dawn Rush on nextdorr.com invite people to join. Likely formed in response to the recent city regs that all short term rental people have to abide by, in addition to getting a permit.
There is a state group begun called Arizonans for Responsible Tourism that is serving as an information, resource, and advocacy hub for short term rentals and managers. For more information: https://azrtr.org/ and... ....AIRB&B TO PERSUADE MORE PEOPLE TO RENT THEIR HOMES. https://arizonadailystar-az.newsmemory.com/?token=0bf784d9304991b946b5407926cdd424&cnum=c5d5eaf7-a721-ea11-8ce6-90b11c343abd&fod=1111111STD-0&selDate=20221123&licenseType=paid_subscriber&....
.............. RECALL TOM CROSBY!
An organization that wants to recall county supe Tom Crosby has info at https://www.recalltomcrosby.com. Crosby is the weird supe that abdicated his responsibility, and didn't show up when forced to vote for sending vote results to the secofstate. (among several other things) Only those that live in District 1 of Cochise County can sign a petition. However anyone in the county can work on the campaign to get rid of him.
........... THIS WEEK IN BISBEE/YA GOTTA HAVE IT! The bestest guide for Music, Art + Culture Free. Signup form: http://eepurl.com/h5A0Q1 Or send an email to email@example.com - to subscribe or send events ................ FREE COVID TESTS From the post office: https://special.usps.com/testkits From Copper Queen Library 520 432-4232 .............. BISBEE MENTIONS www.onlyinyourstate.com/arizona/middle-of-nowhere-pizza-az/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=arizona&utm_campaign=newsletter&lctg=&utm_content=nlbuttonB6&fbclid=IwAR3A3QI22hAB_Dbn7gV6wPASUAQAajkWcVl2S1afLne6DzaiGXKUN_hEGwY YOUTUBE VID OF LIBRARY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6TzcVsTsv0 ........... BISBEE HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL BISBEE PUMAS BOYS BASKETBALL 15-1(7-1 conference) Jan 17, 20, 24 home all at 8:00 BISBEE PUMAS GIRLS BASKETBALL 10-4 (7-1 conference) Jan 17, 20, 24 home all at 6:30 (oddly enough there is no athletic schedules on the BUSD website) .............. NEIGHBORHOODS OF BISBEE There is some confusion about where things occur in Bisbee, particularly for new residents. These are the neighborhoods with general boundaries and approximate directions. A good directional orientation is at the traffic circle. Bakerville (Bisbee road from circle to about Washington Bank) Briggs (adjacent to the police station on the west) Galena (north side of hwy 92, across from Briggs) Lowell (South of Hwy 80 before viaduct, to the traffic circle, with the pit as southern boundary) Old Bisbee (from the pit to the tunnel,, north and south) Saginaw (from the roundabout East along 80 to Sherriff's station) San Jose (North & South of Hwy 92 West of Naco Hwy) Tintown, (by homeless shelter & Double P Roadhouse) Warren (Copper queen hospital on the east, Hazzard St.on The South, Hwy 92 & terraces on the North, airport road beginnings on the west.) ............ CENTRAL SCHOOL OPENING Friday/13 5:30-8:30 Painter Lorna Newton & Photog Dennis Galloway. ........ ARTEMIZIA FOUNDATION/CEY ADAMS This short video features Cey Adams, one of several muralists that will be featured at Artemizia Gallery. He talks about the beginnings of hip hop, his work, and the mural he is creating at Artemizia.He is a seminal figure in creating the visual language of hiphop for the past 25 years, working with the creators of Def Jam records and doing many album covers for them. His murals are seen in many major cities. The last exhibition at the Annex gallery at 24 Main is Muralist Corie Mattie. Catch it while you can. Artemizia Foundation/gallery will be opening in early 2023. It is located at 818 Tombstone Canyon the former school house inn. Go here for Adams: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzP9p_cYuqwG For an interview with Sloane Bouchever, Artemizia gallery owner, go here: https://tucsonguide.com
Background for the agenda here: http://www.bisbeeaz.gov/AgendaCenter/ViewFile/Agenda/_01172023-431
...............BISBEE ECONOMY................ Eads Construction & Equipment, formerly Eads Concrete & Redi-mix, on Hwy 92 has closed and the business is for sale. Two buyers have expressed interest. Brett and Allison Van Gorp, the co-owners of Eads, also sold the Canyon Rose Suites last year. Their daughter Thea is a project director at the Bisbee Science Lab. >> Taqueria Outlaw is getting close to opening. After some construction and equipment delays, owner Mike Clements hopes all will be in place by the end of January. TO interior is shaping up, with industrial looking stools and an attractive bar and side table made from wood salvaged from Cannery Row in Monterey. He'll have a few beers, a big selection of Tequila and Mescals and wait for it....Tacos! << The new owner of Gym Club Suites is putting some bucks into upgrading the 17 room hotel. It remains open. >> The building /property housing Contessa's Cantina has been sold. The restaurant will remain and there will be some remodeling going on the next few months, covering and expanding the patio for service. << Cafe Cornucopia has new hours and a new menu. Mon-thur 11-3; Fri, Sat 11-8, Sun brunch 10-2. See at: https://www.facebook.com/search/top?q=cafe%20cornucopia >> The Copper Pig and Jacqui's Patisserie will both be in coming issues of Arizona Highway. << And wtf is going on with the big parking lot? Closed more than open, it just sits there inviting street hockey or skateboarding. Seems there oughta be a law since it pushes more cars to severely limited street parking. >>>>>>>>>>>>>> The city Treasurer reports that revenue and expenditures are both on track with about 42% of the fiscal year elapsed. One thing of note is that the city collected $40,000 in delinquent customers since July 1 by having cutoff valves installed. Previously delinquent customers would just ignore notices because no punitive measures were taken. << SALES TAXES (Totals are for actual spending in October. Reporting is always two months behind spending. Also reporting can vary because of late filiing or events that span the end/start of a month) Bed taxes remain substantial, this month reflecting the Bisbee Stair Climb race. Hotel and Restaurant sales were up about $3k as was retail sales, both reflecting the shoulder tourist season. Sales of food for home use were up about $10k at $55,026, the largest total so far in the fiscal year. HOUSES SOLD For the past three months, houses have sold in the single digits. I've been keeping track since 2016 and this has not happened. It seems that the effects of mortgage rate increases have begun to affect the Bisbee housing market. (There are many other factors that affect sales, such as number of houses for sale, time of year, condition of houses, and listing price.) Those rates peaked at 7.2% this summer-from 3% last year, and currently range from 6.2% to 6.8% for a 30 year fixed. When scanning national online sites such as Redfin or Rocket for data about length of time on the market, year to year comparisons, average cost, and more it, is a pick-your-statistic to fit your analysis, they are so far apart. In the absence of local data from realtors, it kind of is an informed guessing game. Keep tuned.... sold 2022 Jan thru Nov 143 houses sold for $47,236,258 2021 Jan thru Nov 153 houses sold for $30,067,791 2020 Jan thru Nov 124 house sold for $19,538,581 Address List/Sold 201 D St $120k/$107,500 2060 S. Barnett Rd $139k/$136k 101C St $157k/$152 71 Cochise Row $180k/$159k 304 Curve $195k/$155k 63B OK St. $258,699/$238,888 102 S. Taylor Av $229k 24 Arizona St. $300k 108 Quarry Canyon $418,500/$385k BUILDING PERMITS There have been no new house building permits last year (or several previous years). Remodeling, expanding, replacing, renovating was the game in 2022 and there was a significant amount of money spent, mostly locally. Year/2022 Jan/Nov 319 residential permits $3,983,974 Year/2021 Jan/Nov 332 residential permits $2.814.560 Year 2020 Jan/Nov 307 residential permits $3,310, 707 BANK DEPOSITS (from https://cochiseeconomy.com) Bank deposits (as of 6/22) Bank deposits in Cochise County were down 5.0% from 2021 However Bisbee saw a gain of (+9.5%) ........... BORDER CROSSINGS Auto crossing at Naco for the months April-September/2022 were relatively constant at about 25,500 cars with about 44,000 passengers. Pedestrian crossings ranged from 8600 in April to 7000 in September. About 225 average truck crossings during that time. Crossings at Douglas jumped about 10,000 cars in August and September to 137,000 per day with about 225,000 passengers.. 45,000 pedestrians in April to 62,000 in September. About 2400 truck crossings during that time. ............ ARTICLES OF INCORPORATION Ballpark Brewing Company LLC 138 San Jose Daniel Vertrees Bisbee Gateway LLC 120 Naco Rd. Elissa Strata Blue Moon Bungalows 205 Douglas St Mark, Heather James Cascade Tutoring 513 Bisbee Rd. Nicholas Mueller Eads Construction & Equipment LLC 608 W. Hwy 92 Bisbee Brett Van Gorp Peter Young Paintings Inc 15 Ok St. Bisbee F&M Agent Services ........
AUCTIONS 126 Cochise Drive11:00 January 12, 2023
THE LEGE IS BACK IN SESSION!
Pronouns! Race Theory! Water! Spending Your Money! Roads! and likely a lot of Bat Guano Crazy! It is that time of year again where ordinary people who are elected to carry on the People's business convene to...party hardy, eat and drink courtesy of lobbyists, often ignore people who have spent hours getting to a committee hearing, pass legislation without the sanitizing effect of public scrutiny, submit numerous inconsequential wish lists in the form of Bills, and pass a budget with no oversight. Yes, it is the 56th Legislature getting together in Phoenix. Some food for thought and an urge for you to participate....
CIVIC ENGAGEMENT BEYOND VOTING
The best source for bills and info on the lege is Civic Engagement Beyond Voting. You can sign up for various tutorials and events, including Right To Speak (RTS), the most valuable outlet for your voice in legislative matters. I really recommend it. RTS responses have tanked some odious bills and helped pass others. Go here to get a step-by-step of how to get an account to access RTS.
Every Sunday evening there are zoomers to discuss coming legislation and strategy .
Go here for all the Info: https://www.cebv.us/?emci=40c46f0d-c78a-ed11-9d7a-00224832e611&emdi=e802ecea-608f-ed11-9d7b-00224832e811&ceid=12483701
Must reads....Arizona Agendahttps://arizonaagenda.substack.com and the Arizona Mirrorhttps://www.azmirror.com have journalistic scoops and some inside skinny.
NUTS N BOLTS
(No, not legislators, a few how to primers)
The official State site for all things lege.
FIND THE BILLS
This is where to find them; https://www.azleg.gov/bills/
HOW A BILL BECOMES A LAW
ALREADY AT IT, SIGH...
From AZ Capitol Times https://azcapitoltimes.com
"Republican lawmakers are moving to reduce income tax rates for Arizona corporations by nearly half, a move legislative budget analysts say could cut state revenues by nearly $670 million a year.
The party-line vote Wednesday by the House Ways and Means Committee came over objections from all the Democrats on the panel who questioned both the wisdom and the need to take the tax rate from its current 4.9% to 2.5% by 2026. And that follows a series of cuts a decade ago that dropped the rate from nearly 7%."
MONEY AND POLITICS Them billionaires Get Mo Money....U.S. billionaires have seen their combined wealth rise over $1.7 trillion, a gain of over 58 percent. While billionaires have seen their wealth surge during the pandemic, millions have lost their lives and livelihoods. On March 18, 2020, at the beginning of the formal lockdown, U.S. billionaires held a combined $2.947 trillion. On May 4, 2022, as the U.S. crossed the 1 million death mark, according to an analysis by NBC, 727 U.S. billionaires were worth $1.71 trillion more, according to Forbes. ........... HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE.... It has amazed me for a long time that corporations and wealthy people pay so little for candidates and get so much in return. A small group of just 465 billionaires had pumped nearly $900 million into this year’s midterm elections – and that was before the final five weeks of campaign season. The total spend was expected to top $1 billion. That’s the key finding in a new Americans for Tax Fairness report that makes clear the distorting effect that extreme wealth has on our democracy. As the report notes, we need tax reforms on the wealthiest Americans as well as campaign finance reforms to end this outsized influence of the most fortunate few. Read more from Americans for Tax Fairness ............ TAX BREAKS MAKE A BROKEN SYSTEM Nearly two dozen of America’s largest corporations together received $49.6 billion in tax breaks from 2018 through 2021 under a Trump tax law provision known as “accelerated depreciation” that many lawmakers now want to extend. Many of these companies are household names like Google, Facebook, Intel, Target and J.P. Morgan. And many have used accelerated depreciation to drive their effective tax rates down into the single digits. These include Verizon, FedEx, Walt Disney, General Motors, Bank of America and Amazon. https://itep.org/corporations-saved-billions-under-trump-tax-law-bonus-depreciation-that-lawmakers-want-to-extend/ ............. WORK STOPPAGES AKA STRIKES...THE RESPONSE TO ACCUMULATORS OF WEALTH The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Work Stoppages program collects and publishes data on “major work stoppages involving 1,000 or more workers lasting one full shift or longer.” The program’s main dataset lists each major strike or lockout since 1993, the organizations involved, employer industry and ownership type, start and end dates, number of workers participating, and total worker-days idle. .......BUST UP TICKETMASTER While not one of the burning issues, ticketmaster has a monopoly on tickets as well as venues via Live Nation with whom they merged with some years ago. It has put tickets almost out of reach for regular fans and burdened musicians who get relatively little for providing the music for concerts. Taylor Swift Fans Unite. Go here to sign on: https://actionnetwork.org/letters/tell-the-department-of-justice-to-investigate-ticketmaster/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email ............ WALGREENS CRIED WOLF BUT IT WAS ONLY A DOG! Remember when all those shoplifting stories were in the major media? Well turns out that Walgreens was driving them with false information. Read this article for corporate manipulation of media and how the mainstream media can sensationalize stories to drive readership without doing the research. Walgreen's CEO cops to how they might have 'overemphasized' shoplifting. https://popular.info/p/how-walgreens-manufactured-a-media?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
CONSUMPTION AND MORE TOXIC METALS IN DARK CHOCOLATE Maybe altering your chocolate habit is a good idea...This is an article taken from the original Consumer Reports data. The original article talks about how cadmium and lead get into the cocoa beans (lead from highway and dust in the air, cadmium from the soil.). Several brands of the many available are not covered in the report, but enough to maybe considering reducing the chemical load in your system. Dark chocolate bars high in both lead and cadmium:
Green & Black's, Organic Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao - 43% over for lead and 81% over for cadmium
Lily's, Extremely Dark Chocolate 85% Cocoa - 43% over for lead and 1% over for cadmium
Theo, Organic Extra Dark Pure Chocolate 85% Cocoa - 40% over for lead and 89% over for cadmium
Trader Joe's, the Dark Chocolate Lover's Chocolate 85% Cacao - 27% over for lead and 129% over for cadmium
Theo, Organic Pure Dark 70% Cocoa - 20% over for lead and 42% over for cadmium
Dark chocolates high in lead:
Hershey's, Special Dark Mildly Sweet Chocolate - 165% over
Chocolave, Extreme Dark Chocolate 88% Cocoa - 140% over
Hu, Organic Simple Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao - 110% over
Trader Joe's, Dark Chocolate 72% Cacao - 92% over
Endangered Species, Bold and Silky Dark Chocolate 72% Cocoa - 81% over
Lindt, Excellence Dark Chocolate 85% Cocoa - 66% over
Chocolate, Strong Dark Chocolate 70% Cocoa - 52% over
Godiva, Signature Dark Chocolate 72% Cacao - 46% over
Lily's, Extra Dark Chocolate 70% Cocoa - 44% over
Tony's Chocolonely, Dark Chocolate 70% Cocoa - 34% over
Dark chocolates were high in cadmium:
Pascha, Organic Very Dark Dark Chocolate 85% Cacao - 153% over
Alter Ego, Organic Dark Chocolate Classic Blackout 85% Cacao - 104% over
Beyond Good, Organic Pure Dark Chocolate 80% Cocoa - 38% over
Scharffen Berger, Extra Dark Chocolate 82% Cacao - 36% over
Equal Exchange, Organic Extra Dark Chocolate 80% Cacao - 20% over
Lindt, Excellence Dark Chocolate 70% Cocoa - 16% over
Beyond Good, Organic Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cocoa - 12% over
Dove, Promises Deeper Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao - 12% over
Dark chocolate bars that are not high in lead and cadmium:
Mast, Organic Dark Chocolate 80% Cocoa - 86% under for lead and 60% under for cadmium;
Taza Chocolate, Organic Deliciously Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao - 57% under for lead and 26% under for cadmium;
Ghirardelli, Intense Dark Chocolate 86% Cacao - 64% under for lead and 61% under for cadmium;
Ghirardelli, Intense Dark Chocolate Twilight Delight 72% Cacao - 39% under for lead and 4% under for cadmium;
Valrhona, Abinao Dark Chocolate 85% Cacao - 37% under for lead and 27% under for cadmium
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11543225/Dark-dark-chocolate-Toxic-metals-bar-tested-researchers-new-report.html ............... 10 suggestions for better shopping on Amazon https://www.cnet.com/tech/10-of-the-most-common-amazon-shopping-mistakes-people-make/ ............... PACKAGES ARE SHRINKING Tracking the shrink...This guy has made it his life's work to track how corporations are shrinking their products. For instance, some toilet paper has gone from 264 sheets per role to 242. Dawn dish soap from 7 fl. to 6.5fl oz. And Costco Citi card is discontinuing their free 2 year extended warranty. Another article spotlights supermarkets increasing use of digital coupons that leave seniors out of the loop as they often do not have smart phones to utilize the coupons. Here is a times article: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/26/climate/fighting-shrinkflation-consumer-products.html?campaign_id=190& This is the website: https://www.mouseprint.org/ https://www.consumerworld.org/ ............. SO, YOU WANNA KNOW ABOUT CARDBOARD? Then read about it here...a long article that goes from tree to box to use to recycle. A fascinating look (to me...) at the industrial processes that puts cardboard containers of all kinds in our homes. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/28/magazine/cardboard-international-paper.html ....... THE LANGUAGE OF NATURE https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/nov/30/science-hear-nature-digital-bioacoustics?utm_term=638753d42073a6162b957a7ff2c81849&utm_campaign=GuardianTodayUS&utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&CMP=GTUS_email
...... DISTRACTION GO AWAY! LEARNING TO LEARN TO NOT MULTITASK (he said as he watched the football game while editing the Wire!) https://www.deseret.com/magazine/2022/11/10/23404438/distraction-mental-health-multitasking-parenting?utm_medium=email&utm_source=other&GdeNrll1EeSROyIACtiVvg.announcements~opencourse.
The Washington Post sometimes gets credit, if incorrectly, for an amazingly viral list of neologisms from 1998 in which a real word has been changed by one letter, often paired with another to give new meanings to existing words. These are from 2022, the original is below. Anziogram/ Angiogram A secret map of a site for a seaborne landing in Italy during the Second World War Adorkable/ Adorable A socially awkward person who is delightful and charming Straycation/Stacation A holiday for polygamists Commatose/ Comatose Briefly falling asleep during short pauses whilst reading and waking up again after a period. Confidunce/ Confidence Overly self assured actually incompetent idiot. Telapathy/ Telepathy Having the ability to read minds but not caring to Pubstitution/ Substitution When your date leaves the bar with someone else Flunctionality/ Functionality The ability of a tool, machine, or process to successfully fail at its expected purpose. Procraptinate/ Procrastinate Putting off shit that you don”t want to do Quip pro quo/ Quid pro quo A snappy comeback This was the original list. Bestest ever. Take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafhalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn when you discover half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post asks readers to supply alternate meanings for common words
1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v.. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle n, olive flavored mouthwash
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a streamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13.Pokeman...a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by Jewish men